A Man's First Blog Post

In many ways, a man's first blog post is like his first kiss.

#1 There is an unwarranted need for it to be perfect. I once spent a week planning my first kiss with a girl in high school. I spent over an hour making her lasagna and chocolate dipped strawberries. We sat out on the patio, listened to romantic music, and shared our first kiss beneath the stars. Romantic. A night that would not soon be forgotten. This made us soulmates, right? We broke up a couple of weeks later. She was too clingy. Oh, and she talked during movies. Nonstop. Star Wars had never been so annoying until that moment. And it wasn't even the one with Jar Jar Binks. I mean, really, does it matter if the first kiss is "everything you dreamed it would be?" Honestly, if you're setting yourself up for that, you're going to be let down. Besides, which of my zero blog followers is going to care if I drool a little?

#2 It's a mystery as to what others will think. Maybe it's just guys (or maybe just me!) but I used to try to read the girls' facial expression right after our first kiss. The post-kiss facial expression is vital to the relationship. It determines whether or not there will be a second kiss, tells you if you need a breath mint, or confirms your hope of becomming the god of kisses. Is her smile real or forced? Did she lick her lips or rub them on her sleeve? Is she gagging? The facial expression tells all.It's like a crystal ball, except you have to kiss it to discover the truth. And most of the time, you try again hoping for a better response, but it never comes. You can wipe the forced smile off your face now. Thanks.

#3 It's over as soon as it began. I'll call. Really. I will.